when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
