my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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