careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
