I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
