i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
