I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
