All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
