Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
