Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
