i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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