Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
