Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
