omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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