The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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