But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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