How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
