i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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