kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
