best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
