theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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