My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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