hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
