I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
