So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
