awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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