..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
