9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
