Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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