he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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