I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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