I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize