do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
