Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
