I wanna passion pit in your ass
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
