She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
