Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
