a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
