i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've blown a few things in my day
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
