Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize