It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
