in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
