we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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