For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
