yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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