It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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