Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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