she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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