I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize