Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
