So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
