My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
