my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
