How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
