East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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