I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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