you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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