Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
whose parrot is this?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
