its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
