the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
