so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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