I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize