In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
