I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are the jesus of drinking
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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