I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
