I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
