Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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