I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize