But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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