Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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