1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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