You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
