Already got asked if we're dating
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We have started to decorate penises.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
