I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize