Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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