I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize