When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
