That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
